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Science and Creation

Humor

 

Our Principle:

We love and respect both creationists and atheists, and we love humor as well. 

The following jokes intend to show the short coming of each concept, in a humorous way!

 

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If evolution were true, mothers would have three (3) arms, {but I say, mothers should have four (4) arms}.

 

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One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the monkey was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's The Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"? "Well," said the monkey, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."

 

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How long will it take, for my cell phone, to evolve into an iPhone (upgrade itself, without designer and/or manufacturer)?

 

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Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming loudly. Johnny asked his mom, “Where’d he come from?” “He came from heaven, the mother answered.” Johnny responded: “Wow! I can see why they threw him out!”

 

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The children at a Catholic elementary school lined up for lunch.  On one end of the table, there was a tray of cookies, the opposite end of the table, a tray of apples.  To ensure that each child only took one apple, there was a sign next to the apples: “Take only one. God is watching".  A third-grade boy decided to address this matter himself.  He wrote a note and put next to the cookies: “Take as many as you want, God is watching the apples!”

 

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My room is in chaos, my clothes and my other belongings are all over the place.  I would like to put the "Big Bang Theory" to work.  How can I use an explosion to make all my belongings to fly to the correct place?  It should be an easy job, I have less than 100 items, and not billions upon billions as the Universe does.

 

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A boy fell off a cliff and cried out, “Lord, save me!” Before he finished the sentence his shirt caught on a branch.  “Never mind, God,” he said, relieved; “This branch here caught me.”

 

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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.  Then God created Man and rested.

Then God created Woman.  Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

 

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Church Ladies With typewriters

 

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS & TYPOS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services.

 

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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

 

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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

 

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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

 

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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

 

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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

 

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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

 

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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

 

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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

 

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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

 

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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

 

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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.

 

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

 

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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

 

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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

 

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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

 

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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.

 

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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

 

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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

 

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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

 

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

 


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